Unapologetic Complication

On a Sunday in June I heard the two words no one in a relationship wants to hear from their significant other, it's over. Just like that everything we’ve experienced in our two year relationship seemed to disappear and everything that was once so simple became complicated. 

Complication number one, we live together. He told me I didn't have to move out. We had a spare bedroom in our apartment and I was welcome to move in there until our lease was up in February. While that would have been the easier solution, I needed to get out. For a week I stayed with my friends searching for apartments on Craig’s List. While I've never really given myself credit before for my accomplishments up to that point, looking back now I was really proud that I was able to pick up the shattered pieces of my life in less than 7 days and keep going.

Seems like a cut and paste situation - we broke up, I move out, life goes on. Except that's not what is happening at all. 

Complication number two, we stayed friends. After I moved out we hung out quite a bit. I would meet him for brunch, shopping, etc. Around August we drifted apart. For a time I started creating my own life in New York even though sometimes it would be hanging out with his co-workers. That got really complicated. I made more dinner dates with friends and tried to make time for myself more frequently. It never made me really happy and I felt guilty about that for a while. For someone who enjoys alone time I really hated being alone now and when I was with my friends I had wished he was there too. Recently though when he came knocking on my door I couldn't help but let him in once again. When I think about what we've been through as two people since June it's overwhelmed with confusion, awkwardness and sometimes even regret. I believe it needed to happen for us to be better people to each other.

Complication number three, I now basically live back at my old apartment hanging out with him every night. A friend once told me do what makes you happy and while that's a whole other story to tell, for now happiness means having this human in my life every day. Issues just don’t go away and while they’re complicated talking through them is a step one for us to live an uncomplicated life together.

As you can see I’m at a point I'd like to call crossroads in my life right now. While sometimes I have doubts about decisions I’ve made I think overthinking makes more complications for yourself. It helps to remember that life is complicated. There is always shades of grey no matter how much you wish it could be black and white. Find happiness in what you do and the rest will fall into place.

-Stephanie Bartz