One of my really good friends was having a birthday and I wanted to show her the best time possible. So I gathered up all our friends for a night of roller skating in retro, vintage clothes followed by dinner and debauchery. 

Birthday girl and I scoured all the local thrift shops for the most hideously awesome outfit. After two hours of giggling in the fitting rooms, we had decided on our ensembles and went home to get ready.

We arrived at the roller skating rink and laced up our skates. I don’t care who you are, when you are an adult and you put on skates for the first time there is an acclimation period. We all walked around like baby giraffes on the carpet, with our skates on, to regain some sense of balance. Once we had enough (liquid) courage we hit the rink.

Man, those 12-year-old kids were fast. 

I could hear that inner judgemental adult voice, that sometimes catches you by surprise, screaming for safety. My fight or flight senses were activated and saying, bitch, get out of here. You are too old for this. You aren’t going to make it. My reaction to these warnings? Shouting at the DJ to turn. that. music. up.

The problem wasn’t when we were going straight. It was those sneaky, little, bastard turns to go the other direction. You know, where your balance is so thrown off you have to lean sideways like you’re on a bobsled team. 

We had just passed one of those dreaded turns. Sigh of relief. Then someone had the genius idea to take a selfie picture while we were skating. Yea! Great idea!

It all happened so quickly. Snap. Bam. Rip.

As the phone clicked I was pulled down and completely busted open my vintage dress. In the back. My super cute outfit now resembled a hospital gown. Luckily (I guess), I had on underwear that actually somewhat covered my rear but it was still embarrassingly obvious what had happened. I tried my best to make it look like I had thoughtfully left the house that way. 

“It’s not so bad right?”, I asked my friend.

“Jackie, there are children here”, he responded.

Damn. I knew it, but you think a girl could get a little white lie in dire situations to make her feel better. Unfortunately, I had no change of clothes. I had carpooled. And next up was dinner at a hibachi restaurant. It took us 20 minutes to get a table we had reservations for. No idea why...

-Jackie Cheuvront

Jackie Cheuvront is an illustrator and writer in the Nashville, TN area. You can find her charting stars in her backyard, hiking in local parks, or rocking out at a concert. Follow Jackie on Instagram @jackiecheuvront.