This is How It Happens

My love snapped this pic, as he does so many of our family moments, and I look at her with eyes of tenderness and weary gratitude tonight. Because earlier today the promise of growing life in my belly was silenced just like the exam room as the nurse searched again and again for the heartbeat at a routine prenatal visit. “Is this how people find out?” I thought, suddenly floating though a cloud of emotionless reality, confused why I had felt kicks just last night in bed. An ultrasound revealed it had been three-and-a-half weeks since another soul was within me, I feel betrayed by my senses, and now I despised the ruse of meaningful fullness in my belly. But this little girl still toddles along, babbling, cooing, exploring, as open and happy and needy as ever and I hold her tighter tonight, bury my lips in her cheeks, run my hands through her hair. And wait for tomorrow to begin this now conscious process of release.

-Alli Parfenov

Photo by Alli Parfenov

Alli is the mother of three and was expecting to be sixteen weeks along when she found out the news of her miscarriage. She wants others to know that even though she was initially hesitant to share her story on social media so soon, the pain of isolation in loss has dispelled. So many of her friends have comforted with their own stories of pregnancy loss, the togetherness in this tragedy is an incredible balm to her heart. The grief is still there but it is not in darkness, it is not needing to hide. Connect with Alli on Instagram at @alliparfenov to follow her healing journey.