whited sepulchres which appear beautiful outward
but are within full of dead men’s bones and of all uncleanness
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“How do you feel about your breasts?” my closest friend asked me as we gathered for a drink after work on my patio. I didn’t have to dig very deep for my response. My feelings about this part of my body haven't changed in the forty-two years since I first felt the beginnings of my breasts rubbing against my shirt as an eleven year old.
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When we were young and budding, we smiled as the girl’s body began to change. She was a skinny little thing without an ounce of fat or a wiggle to her bum.
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I was seven when I ran past my mother and grandmother, who were talking about whatever two grown Black women talk about when no one else is listening, when the protrusions from under my tank top caught my grandmother’s attention. “Oh! She got milks,” she said in a confounded, awe-inspiring voice mixed with a bit of intrusion and knowingness. I was only seven.
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Yanking at the placket of yet another men’s dress shirt, I tug until I’m able to close the last three buttons around the apex of my chest. Even in a TomboyX compression bra, which works better for someone my size than any binder on the market, the buttons gap and strain. To find a shirt my breasts will fit in, I have to size up and up until the collar of the shirt looks like a gaping, cavernous ring around my neck. The arms sag and cover my hands, and the length guarantees I’ll end up with wads of material bunched up under my waistband when I tuck in the shirt.
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