When I think about my life and the things that are most important I automatically want to begin with my family, especially my sisters and brothers. I am the oldest of four (now five) children and I feel that my place as the eldest child has had a great impact on my personality, causing me to be mature and well organized from a young age. Additionally, I attribute much of my maternal characteristics to the fact that I helped my mother with my siblings as a child. My mom’s reliance upon me for help made me feel older than I was, and important.  I liked feeling needed and I liked knowing that she could depend on me. This responsibility for my siblings made me feel good about myself, and I think that much of my personality and self-worth is wrapped up in my status as the oldest child. However, this responsibility to care for my siblings was beyond my years and had negative effects on me as an adult, namely anger, anxiety and guilt. From an early age I rejected the Victorian model of marriage and gender dynamics that was presented to me.

What does an unmarried woman in her forties who has no children look like? 

Let me guess the picture in your head: A woman sitting at home on a Saturday night, drowning in cats as she eats leftover Chinese food straight from the box and growls bitterly at the romantic comedy feature on cable.