Dear Angel

Dear Angel, 

At this time, your purpose is unclear. But eventually, it will be apparent why you are here on Earth. I know every day is routine – your forty-five-minute commute to your job, the mundane workday, the chaotic drive back home through traffic to smoke weed in your living room, then eat something and fall asleep. 

You wonder if there is more to life. 

I know life seems unfulfilling, and you thought your college degree would create an easier living. You are the only person at your job with a college degree, and yet paid the least. So, you question the reason for those four years and the student loans. I know it sucks. You spend a good amount of time thinking about your future. It is extremely hard for you to live in the present and see the good in your life. This constant feeling will ultimately lead you to seek therapy. 

You may not want to hear this, but you are depressed. You don’t know it yet, but you use weed, sex, relationships, and your job to cope. It seems natural that everyone lives the same boring life, but it is not.

Unhappiness is not normal.

I need you to know this because you are shrinking yourself, so desperate to live a life of normalcy. 

But the truth is, you are truly afraid to be happy. You are afraid to admit that things are working out for you. You live a content life (I mean, you are twenty-three with your own place, a college degree, a government job, and quality friendships). It is hard for you to face because you have no idea how to be selfish and bask in your own happiness. You are afraid your prosperity will make the people around you uncomfortable, so you lessen yourself.  

Angel, don’t be afraid to be big, huge even. Get rid of your low self-esteem. Look at you, you are beautiful (seriously, go look in the mirror right now and say it). Know that you have worked hard to be where you are. Know that you deserve it. And realize that, in the words of Marianne Williamson, “Your playing small does not serve the world.” 

Self-love is not selfish. This lesson will take some time for you to understand. But when you do, oh how beautiful you will become – inside and out. You will be more comfortable in your skin and attract people who love you as you love yourself. 

So, start showing yourself compassion and enjoy your life. All the things you are chasing – the success, marriage, house – you can’t force it. Chasing after things will tire you. Life is better when you enjoy the journey rather than remaining rigid about the path.  

Wouldn’t it be nice if we knew everything we wanted was coming? Well, that’s the mindset I want you to adopt. I know you wrote down things you desire, and it seems so far away. One day, you will look back at that list, and you will have checked off a few things. 

Keep going. I want to tell you how things are, now that you are thirty, but that would ruin the excursion. Just know that I’m still learning and growing. Know that I trust my path, and that God and the universe are working things out for me. 

I don’t have it all figured out, and life does not have a final destination. We will be forever on this trip together. Cheer up, my love. You are in for a wonderful ride. 

Love you so much, 

-Angel King Wilson

Angel King Wilson is a published writer and educator from Baltimore, MD. She is an English Adjunct Professor at Baltimore City Community College. She self-published her first book, "Am I Doing This Right?" in May 2019.