Girl nervously follows Boy into the dimly lit bar, traveling in his wake to the leather stools. Red velvet drapes project an eerie, dark hue throughout the room. Faint jazz music plays from across the seating area; if it was any louder, it would be too difficult to hear Boy discussing his love of poetry and tattoos—the ink he gets in honor of family members.

To steel her nerves, Girl orders the first cider she sees on the menu, while Boy ponders over the beer list. She twirls the straw in her ice water, draws designs in the condensation, and rips a black cocktail napkin to shreds while he inches closer in his seat.

The Panic Cider

While Boy takes his time weighing his drink options, Girl places her order for cider quickly. In the spirit of this impulse decision, do not spend a long time deciding which drink to use for this recipe.

Serves 1

Ingredients:
1 pint glass
12 oz. hot water
12 oz. alcohol cider (any)
Square black napkin, optional

Instructions

1. Pour hot water into glass. Dump water out, and dry the glass. If glass does not feel warm enough to emulate dishwasher temperature, repeat step as many times as needed.

2. Pour all 12 oz. of cider into warmed glass.

3. Let cider sit before drinking to warm the beverage.

4. Place on top of square black napkin; if napkin is larger, fold into a square shape. Rip into pieces until all that is left is a pile of debris and a mangled circle on which the glass is sitting.


After drinks at the bar, Girl is hungry and looking forward to going back to her apartment. Boy insists that she come back with him instead, maybe they can watch a movie, nothing more? He is charming, and she is a little tipsy from not eating, so she agrees. The two head out into the crisp fall night, their steps evenly paced. He is a foot taller than her, so she has to look up to continue conversing on their journey.

In this new, strange apartment, Girl sits on the edge of the bed. She keeps her fleece jacket zipped up, and perches herself rigidly, awkwardly. Boy is relaxed and splayed out while searching through movies to watch. He leans across her, and she jumps, as he reaches to light a candle. It’s almost burnt out, he comments, because he loves the smell of it. A burn mark on the wall attests to this. 

The room is dark, the only light comes from the small flame and flashes of color from the laptop screen. Girl has never seen The Truman Show and is trying to pay attention to the comedy before her eyes, but Boy is pulling off her outer layer and his hands are wandering.

Truman’s Mug of Cocoa

Truman Burbank is unaware that he is being watched by millions, and even more unaware that there is a group of people seeking to save him from his produced life. Girl wishes that a “Free Truman” group existed for her in this moment that she is in with Boy.

Serves 1

Ingredients:

1, 8 oz. mug
6 oz. milk
Hot chocolate powder mix*

Instructions

1. Heat 6 oz. of milk on stove top or microwave. If stove top, be sure to stir it regularly so it does not scorch. Remove from heat.

2. Pour in full packet of cocoa powder into mug.

3. Add in milk. Stir until fully combined.
*In The Truman Show, the brand “Mococoa” is sponsored. Use your favorite brand or, in honor of product placement, use the company that you’ve most recently seen advertised.

Girl’s skirt is askew, her tights are pulled down, and Boy’s hand is in a private area. Her shirt is off. Her hand is being led to his pants, no matter how many times she removes it. She stares at the ceiling, afraid to say no.

Boy stops his ministrations and Girl quickly adjusts her clothing back in place. He invites her to spend the night, because he’s having a nice time. She feigns exhaustion and work in the morning. Begrudgingly, he walks her to the door, but not without first motioning downward at his “unfinished problem.”

Outside, it is raining. Girl’s work shoes are getting wet, and she is lost. With limited battery, she calls her friend and invites herself over. After a night like this, she is confused, and knows she does not want to be alone.

It is after midnight, and Girl is making a sandwich in her friend’s kitchen while the couch is being set up for her. She is shaking and struggles to assemble the meal, even though she has not eaten all night. She only manages to eat one bite of the late-night dinner.

Shock Sandwich
Girl knows she needs to eat, but does not want to. She takes a quick bite, using fixings found in her friend’s fridge.

Serves 1

Ingredients:

2 pieces of sourdough bread
2 slices of turkey lunch meat
2 slices of cheddar cheese

Instructions

1. Place both slices of cheese on one piece of bread. Top with the two slices of turkey.

2. Cover with remaining bread slice.

3. Put sandwich in toaster oven on toast level ‘2’, or any dial that equates to the second-lowest heating option.

4. Once cooked, use a sharp knife to cut sandwich in half.

Before laying on the couch, wide awake for the remainder of the night, Girl stops in the bathroom. Her face is pale, her lips are swollen, and she does not recognize herself. She takes mouthwash from the mirror cabinet and tries to swish the evening away from memory.

In the morning, Girl cannot picture herself in the situation. She can only view it from a third-person perspective. It feels like she watched a helpless woman and could not stop the events from happening.

I am Girl.

-Shannon Fitzgerald

Shannon Fitzgerald is located in Boston, and is currently pursuing her Master's in Gastronomy at Boston University. Her writing focuses on the intersection of food, memory, family, and gender.