HerStry publishes one Personal Essay every Wednesday. Weekly Personal Essays are a way for writers to tell the stories they want to tell. There are no rules. No themes. Nothing is off limits. For essay submissions check out our guidelines.
Life in a small mountain town means it’s not unusual to be recognized. But to hear my name when dressed up in an ostentatious ruby dress and black fishnet stockings, a magenta-and-bubblegum-pink-boa draped across my back and over my elbows, a cerise silk ribbon tied around my throat and vermilion lipstick—to look nothing like myself, yet stand out in kodachromatic vividity whilst hearing my name was abnormal.
Read MoreI balanced on the side of Mt. Yale, quietly crying into my knees. Rory hopped from stone to stone ahead of me, following my husband, Julio. Between only weighing thirteen pounds (mostly fluff) and having the start of cataracts—and being a dog—Rory did not notice the four thousand-foot drop on the other side of the rocks. Once she realized I was no longer a step behind her, she came plopping back to where I froze and wiggled her way onto my lap. Panting and licking my face, in her obliviousness, Rory pulled me out of my panic and helped me make it the rest of the way to Mt. Yale’s fourteen thousand two hundred-foot summit. I had stopped just a short scramble from the top because the trail was more exposed than I expected, and I was sure I would slip and plummet to my death. Predictably, I did not.
Read MoreMy boyfriend and I say, “I love you,” to each other every single day, more than once. I don’t know why he loves me, but he does. Sometimes I question this love. Sometimes I wonder if we will get married someday and have a family and live in a big house with a big yard or if we will break up after a big fight and move out of the togetherhome we have right now because until death do us part is not realistic for a raped girl like me. Maybe after our big fight, he’ll ask his boss to relocate him to another state because he wants to move out of California because California is where we became us and where we destroyed us.
Read MoreIn June of 1993, I was twenty-three and pregnant—again. Despite having been on the pill for years and using a diaphragm correctly, this was the third time my body tried to make me a mother before I was ready. Nothing had changed since the last time it happened: I was still living in the Ocean Beach enclave of San Diego, still in a rocky relationship with Richard, still a part-time student inching my way toward a bachelor’s degree, still a waitress, still broke. Things were worse, in fact. My roommate informed me that she was moving to Guatemala, and as I couldn’t afford the whole apartment, I had to move out. Richard had just graduated college and planned to ride his motorcycle up the west coast to Seattle, so we decided to break up (again). When a co-worker heard me complaining about a lack of summer plans, he suggested a hospitality company that hired seasonal workers in Yellowstone National Park. Employment included room and board, so I applied, they accepted, and I packed my bags.
Read MoreWe found the perfect place to camp. At eleven-thousand feet in the mountains of Eastern Nepal—the sky filled with puffy white clouds and a panoramic view of Kanchenjunga, the third highest mountain in the world. My friend Elizabeth and I traveled with five porters, two cooks and a guide. The porters set up four tents—a toilet tent with a hole dug into the ground inside, a larger dining tent where the guys, after dinner, rolled out their sleeping bags and one tent each for Elizabeth and me. I threw my duffel bag into my tent and turned to look at Kanchenjunga. I knew these clouds, swirling, changing, growing darker, moving as if the hilltop itself was spinning.
Read MoreI hear scratching coming from behind me on the couch. I live on the third floor of an apartment complex, with nothing above me. Woods surround my tiny balcony and cover my living room and bedroom. The noise, it sounds like scurrying, and I think maybe it’s just a squirrel or a raccoon crawling on top of the roof. Whatever it is sounds like it’s running off the roof, leaving me wondering why it would be doing such a thing this late at night. I don’t know much about nature. I don’t know much about what happens in the dark.
Read MoreThe day after my twin sister's wedding I curled up in the corner of my parent's kitchen and fell asleep. At the time I said I was sitting there because the rest of the house was already overtaken by relatives. I said I was sick because my adrenaline had finally run out. As maid of honor, adrenaline was all I had been running on for a long time. But I've had a long time to think about it now.
Read MoreEverything in Maine was blissfully damp, from the sheets to the mornings to the paperbacks. Blueberries, by the time they made it into our pancakes, were still wet. Ponytails remained lake-stained all the livelong day. It was only when we laid our heads on the moist flannel pillowcases that we felt something akin to dry. Even then, one good squeeze and we could have wrung juice from the blankets.
Read MoreIn the high dependency room, the room before graduating to the special care baby unit, I would cut your fingernails for the first time.
My mom took a bus to Hackney Central in East London, to buy the tiny, baby-doll sized fingernail clippers.
Grandma had traveled from Michigan, where I grew up, and was not used to big city living. For her, a bus ride to a very busy place, by herself, was a brave step for her. She then walked from the bus to the Woolworths on the corner.
She did it for me, because I couldn’t leave you.
Read MoreIt’s my first Christmas Day with my family in two years and Scott’s first Christmas with us ever. After packing up our lives in Austin and moving to Brooklyn to fulfill a mid-twenties obligation to ourselves, we spend our vacation time not on vacation and instead doing the work of family visits. Now that I’ve dragged him for the four hour flight and the five hour car ride to the southernmost tip in Texas, he can enjoy December in shorts and a tee in what locals call the Valley.
Read MoreThere was a corner in my house that I came to dread nearing, where our daughter’s diaper changing table was set up. It was at the opposite end in our bedroom, where on the other side was the big window facing the endless mountains and winding roads, which got us sold on this house as a newly married couple.
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