The Persimmon Tree Outside My Bedroom Window
The Persimmon Tree Outside My Bedroom Window

Not so long ago, the woman who was going to marry my brother called me out of the blue. It was close to the anniversary of the day her fiancé, my brother, dropped dead from nothing. Nothing we could explain then but maybe a genetic flaw, maybe his heart, or maybe an aneurism that killed our father when we were young. There was nothing to explain the suddenness. It was three months before the wedding. The invitations were freshly printed and waiting.

Read More
Griefjessica ochockigrief, women talking about grief, growing upComment
The Invisible Hierarchy of Grief
The Invisible Hierarchy of Grief

For the last decade, I have been preparing myself for the BIG death; the earth-shattering, life-changing, my world will never be the same, death. The type of event that hits so quickly, felt so deeply, your entire body goes into auto-drive. I’ve often wondered, in my own dramatic way, what would I do if I heard life-shattering news? Would I fall to my knees? Would I go into a state of shock and be unable to form words or thoughts. Or would I grow cold and distant from those I loved?

Read More
Griefjessica ochockigrief, women talking about grief, social mediaComment
Dear Scarlett
Dear Scarlett

Dear Scarlett,

I want to tell you not to go to the bar that night. I want to say, “Just stay in with a good book.” But I know you. If I tell you, you'll only be more determined to do it. So get dolled up, go to the bar, listen to the band, and dance your heart out. But listen. Listen when your best friend tells you to stay away from him (they work together and there have been rumors).

Read More
Dear Past MeJulia NusbaumSexual assult, Bravery, growing up, compassion Comment
Dear Lisa
Dear Lisa

Dear Lisa,

We regret to inform you that you did not end up living in the South of France nor were you accepted to Harvard Law School. We further apologize that you never became the smartest most beautiful girl in the world. We are sorry you never went to the Olympics in skiing and never became a pro tennis player. You never married your soul mate. You never got super rich.

Read More
Dear Past MeJulia NusbaumBravery, strong women, love letter Comments
Dear Sophie
Dear Sophie

Dear Sophie,

I wish I could tell you that things get better. I’m not really in a place to tell you that, though. I know you’re sitting behind the desk answering calls and filling out paperwork. I know you tell people you’re “just a receptionist” while applying to grad schools and going to prenatal classes. You’ve got big plans for yourself and your little one whose tiny heart sounds like big wings through the speaker at the obstetrician’s office.

Read More
Dear Past MeJulia NusbaumMotherhood, graduate school, Mother daughter, love letterComment
The Skirt
The Skirt

Dear N_____,

This letter is a little late, fifty years is a sizable chunk of time, but I wanted to tell you that you can stop searching for that lovely brown linen skirt you left behind after a week’s visit with me when we were young girls on the brink of life. I hope you have not spent too many of the decades between that summer and this one riffling through closets, calling various hotels, reaching out to friends to whom you might have lent it.

Read More
Unsent Love LettersJulia Nusbaumlove letter, friendship, growing up Comments
To the Person Who Has My Heart
To the Person Who Has My Heart

Today, you told me you never had romantic feelings of any kind. Those words knocked the breath out of me. My chest squeezed tight and I had to swallow multiple times to keep tears from spilling.

But do you remember when we walked through downtown so late it was practically morning? You offered your arm to me like a gentleman, and I took it. We walked aimlessly for hours.

Read More
Unsent Love Lettersjessica ochockilove, love letters, mistake, grief, broken heartComment
Than Never Loved At All
Than Never Loved At All

When you do an internet search for “death of an unrequited love,” some interesting things pop up, but never the right ones. What about when the person for whom you have an unrequited love dies? What then? What about the closure that will never be, the hope that continued to exist, the possibilities that have now vanished? We had a story, in my mind. Now it will never have a resolution.

Read More
Unsent Love LettersGuest Userlove letters, what I wanted to say, Forgiveness, what could have been, grief Comment
Sky Burial
Sky Burial

At first, I thought I’d killed you. The Friday before, you texted to tell me you were going to drown yourself in the Monongahela River. It was late Spring. You were drinking again.

“Go to the ER,” I told you. “Please don’t give up.” But, I didn’t offer to sit with you or hold your hand till the pain stopped. Instead, I just imagined you wandering along the trail by the river’s edge, staring into the murky rush.

Read More
Unsent Love LettersJulia Nusbaumlove letter, friends, suicide, Mental HealthComment
Of Vapors
Of Vapors

I met a man. It was during the winter months leading up to spring 1994. It wasn’t that type of meeting-a-guy situation, it was purely business, and for the sake of art.

I was twenty-two years old and had been dancing professionally for about four years. I was part of a dance company that performed traditional dances from the African diaspora.

Read More
Unsent Love LettersJulia Nusbaumlove letters, dance, love story Comments
A Month After Mother's Day
A Month After Mother's Day

Dear Mom,

As you know, I’ve been wearing glasses since kindergarten. Even though Dad is always trying to get me to take them off for picture taking, you’ll see I’ve managed to keep them on in almost every photo. In my developmental years my glasses were a part of my identity. I was that girl with the ponytail and glasses. I revelled in being identifiable, as if my glasses gave me a reputation.

Read More
Unsent Love LettersJulia Nusbaummom, childhood, mental health, Mother daughterComment